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  I Saw Mommy Biting Santa Claus

  A Zombie Christmas Parody

  Copyright © 2013 by Matt Mogk

  Illustration copyright © 2013 by Chad Lewis

  All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

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  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Mogk, Matt.

  I saw mommy biting Santa Claus / Matt Mogk ; illustrated by Chad Lewis.

  p. cm.

  ISBN 978-1-62873-491-1 (hardcover : alk. paper) 1. Mothers--Poetry. 2. Zombies--Poetry. 3. Santa Claus--Poetry. I.

  Lewis, Chad, 1984- illustrator. II. Title.

  PS3613.O3755I33 2013

  811'.6--dc23

  Printed in China

  I Saw Mommy Biting Santa Claus

  A Zombie Christmas Parody

  Matt Mogk

  Illustrated by Chad Lewis

  SKYHORSE PUBLISHING

  To George A. Romero,

  for starting it all.

  I saw Mommy biting Santa Claus underneath the Christmas tree last night!

  She didn’t see me creep down the stairs without a peep.

  She thought I was still tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep.

  But I dared not stay to see what became of poor daddy.

  Instead I grabbed my bag and brought my dog along with me.

  The streets were calm and dark as we made way through the park.

  We were all alone ’til I heard a moan and Fido began to bark.

  Then I saw Mommy tackle Santa Claus at the shopping mall with all her might!

  The elves quick ran away while Mrs. Claus hid in the sleigh.

  It was so loud and drew a crowd but I knew I shouldn’t stay.

  First to the camping store where I got a tent and more.

  Cooking gear, a hat for my ears, then back out the sliding door.

  I met up with Barb and Ben, and my other buddy Glenn.

  The plan was set so we didn’t fret. To town we went and then . . .

  I saw Mommy biting Santa Claus at the big parade so snowy white!

  The band played “Silent Night,” as Saint Nick put up a fight.

  But the floats all stopped when Frosty popped and hit a traffic light.

  There was no time to spare, no time to stop and stare.

  We knew to go to the train depot

  Running down to platform eight where we hoped we weren’t too late.

  Then all aboard before the horde could make us zombie bait.

  And as the train rolled off that day to grandma’s house miles away I saw Mommy biting Santa Claus!

  The End

  The Dollyrots are a pop punk band with a rabidly loyal fan base. Composed of Kelly Ogden (bass, vocals) and Luis Cabezas (guitar), they have released four full-length albums and logged hundreds of thousands of road miles in more than a decade on tour.

  www.dollyrots.com

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  Matt Mogk, I Saw Mommy Biting Santa Claus

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